Breakfast at Cannibal Joe's by Jay Spencer Green

Author:Jay Spencer Green [Green, Jay Spencer]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2015-10-27T19:16:34+00:00

***

Selling the idea to Sinéad was as easy as I imagined it would be.

“Have you got biscuits for brains, you scuttering geebag? There’s not a brasser’s chance in Bray you’ll be able to pull this one off. Someone’s pulling your plonker, Joe, I tell ya.”

“Give it a chance, Shin. This guy might be good. A mate of mine swears by him. If he can get the staff signed up before there are any announcements about redundancies or closures, it may be possible to mobilize them to resist it.”

“And you don’t imagine that people’ll think it strange that you’ve invited a union rep into the office? I mean, talk about tipping folk off to trouble.”

“I’ve thought of that. I’ll have a meeting with the senior editors beforehand and explain why I’ve invited him in. I don’t want people jumping for the lifeboats too soon, but if I don’t give them advance notice, rumors are going to be flying around the place.”

“And what are you going to tell them? That you’re letting yer man talk to the staff out of the goodness of your heart? You muppet.”

“That the company has decided to adopt a mature and progressive attitude toward employee representation.”

“Oh, aye. They’ll buy that alright. And what are the fees like, do you know?”

“I don’t, but I can find out. Hopefully not too much. I’m going to have to announce pay cuts one way or another pretty soon. If he can get everyone signed up quickly, I can tell New York that there’s a problem and to hang fire.”

“Janey mack, you’re some bucko, so you are. And what are you going to do if nobody signs up?—Stop picking that scab—What if the membership fees are too much? Do you have a Plan B? Or a Plan A and a half?”

I left the scab alone.

“Actually, yes. I kinda do. But I don’t know that I should be telling you about it.”

“Ah, feck, Joe, you dope. I can’t imagine it’ll be any more daft than this idea. Have you taken my advice to hire an assassin to take out COITUS? Have you robbed the petty cash to buy some magic beans? Have you blown the lot on lottery tickets?”

“Will you ever feck off, Shin. No. None of those.”

“I’m dying to hear. I can’t think what other fallback option you might have other than selling us all into slavery. Is that it, Joe? White slave trade?”

“I never considered it, but now that you mention it, I’ll write it down. Have you got a pen?”

“Oho, so it’s sarcasm now, is it? Sarcasm? You must have a real hum-dinger in that back pocket of yours if you’re taking that attitude with me.”

“Don’t be like that. It’s for your own protection. But if you have to know, I’ll tell you. You remember how you asked if I knew anyone with access to hard drugs?”

“Jayzus, Mary, and Jonestown. What the feck have you gone and done?”

“Nothing! Nothing yet. But do you remember? I know you were only joking.

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